Temporary Setbacks...

"Failure?  I never encountered it. All I ever met were temporary setbacks" -Unknown

I have always been a big believer of  "everything happens for a reason".  Good or bad.  I know that I have a path that has been set for me and there are going to be obstacles that I have to overcome.   I have overcome several challenges these last seven years.  My oldest brother Randy went to sleep and never woke up at the age off 33.  The doctors thought he had an allergic reaction to medicine. When he passed away I left school and moved back to Colorado to help my parents with my nephew and be there for him while he was dealing with the loss of his dad.  My other brother Shawn died a year ago on Christmas Eve after a year long battle of cancer.  He was only 30 and was diagnosed with lung, liver and colon cancer.  Never once did Shawn ever get mad, angry or question why he was diagnosed with cancer.  He faced the cancer head on and fought with every ounce of effort he had.  I learned a lot from both my brothers that I try to remember everyday.  They would both remind me that you should live everyday to the fullest, don't have any regrets and remember to smile.  No matter what kind of day I am having I always try to keep this fresh in my memory. I tell myself that no matter how bad of day I am having I should always be thankful that I have been given that day.  Next month would have been my brother's Shawns 32nd birthday and will be 7 years since Randy has passed away.  I still find myself frustrated that I don't have them here to share the simplest things with. They are not here to see my house, or to watch a movie with or just to sit and remember the "good ole days".  I think that is what gets to me most, but then I have to remind myself  that they are smiling down and so proud of the things that I am accomplishing.  All my brothers have always been my biggest supporters and i know that they are cheering me on. My brother TJ has stepped and taken the role of all three brothers and is always there for me good or bad.

I promised all of my brothers that I will lose the weight and will make them proud.  The last thing my brother Shawn told me before he passed away was " to be my stubborn, ornery self and I will succeed at everything I set my mind to."  So far this has come in handy.  I refuse to let anything get the best of me.  I have been having some pain and bruising in my foot and shin over the last week or so.  Me being the stubborn girl that I can be I kept saying that it will go away.  Well today I finally gave in and went to the doctor, they took a set of four x-rays and each one being responded with a weird look from the doctor.  As my doctor was going over the x-rays with me she told me that I have a fracture on my foot and I tore three ligaments in my foot and leg.  I was not thrilled to hear this especially with my first 5k on Saturday.  She told me that I may get by with a boot for about 4 weeks and physical therapy for 3-6 months or I may have to have a cast for 10-12 weeks.  So as you can imagine I was frustrated that I was unable to run on Saturday but how long beyond that?  The doctor told me I can still exercise but I am looking at about 6 weeks before I can run depending on the physical therapy goes to repair my ligaments.  A part of me just wanted to give up but then logic stepped back in and I am lucky to have this day to be frustrated about my foot and I will get passed this.  I will just have to change some things around but I am not going to quite and I am going to face this and plow ahead and get back to where I can run again.  I go in on Friday to get fitted for a boot and will also find out if I will have to have a cast.

Even though this is not what I wanted to hear I have to remember that it is just a temporary set-back and it was part of my path and happened for a reason.  I may never know why but it did and I will take it as a challenge.  My brothers never gave up in life and I wont give up on achieving my goals and keep going strong.  Even though I can't run on Saturday I still want to be a part of the team, so I will be walking the 5K instead.  I hope that this injury heals fast and I will be back and training for my second 5k in no time.

I was thinking about a few things earlier today.  One of the things that came across my mind is why didn't I do this sooner?  I love the energy I have, going to the gym, my clothes getting bigger on me day by day, what is not to love about this.  If losing weight, working out and eating healthy can make you feel so good, why in the world did it take me so long!!  After thinking for a while I had come to the conclusion that I wasn't ready.  I wasn't ready to give up my old habits, to exchange going out for going to the gym, I mentally would not have committed to this.  I enjoyed my old life way too much but now I am enjoy this life.  I had to learn that I was not giving up everything, I was just giving up the bad.

This season on the Biggest Loser the theme is "No Excuses" and that is all it truly is.  I would have an excuse for everything.  I think I even went as far as making up a reason as to why it was okay to drink pop and eat fried food.  I would have an excuse as to why I couldn't make it to the gym that I was currently paying a monthly fee for.  Thinking back on this today I kind of had to laugh.  At the time when I had excuses to not go to the gym I worked 7-4.  Well now I generally get to work at 6:30-4 and go straight from work to school until 7.  Once I leave class I go straight to the gym.  Funny now that I have school and work I can now find the time for the gym.  I have become a very competitive person and I find myself getting more competitive daily.

I signed up for my first 5k on March 17th.  I am extremely nervous but I know this is just a small step to many bigger steps in my future.  Today we were going to go on a "practice run" for the 5k however we missed the group we were supposed to go with.  So two of my coworkers and I decided to still go ahead with it.  I walked and ran some, but not as much as I would have liked to.  I was so frustrated with myself that I didn't do as good as I wanted to.  I kept beating myself up about that all day.  After school I went to the gym and I took the Hip Hop class but still felt frustrated with my run earlier today.  I hopped on the treadmill and decided to run.  The very thing that was making me frustrated was the very thing that I went straight to in order to get rid of that frustration.  It hit me that I want to become a strong runner and when I didn't meet those expectations that I had I was ready to give up on running.  Reality check:  I have only been at this lifestyle change for a month, it will take time for me to get to the level that many of my coworkers are at.  I also realized how big of an inspiration they have all become.  Deanza, Jennifer, Heather, and Chloe are avid runners and have inspired me so much to become a runner.  I look forward to the day that I get to run with them and will be able to keep up.  In the meantime I will just keep practicing and getting stronger everyday.